Thursday, April 15- one month since the accident!

Scilla had a pretty good day, today. She was eager to go to therapy and did well in her sessions today. She is still not eating as well as she should and experiencing pain; but she keeps pressing on and giving it her best! She only had 2 moments today when she was really emotional. One was when she was talking about the effect of the accident on her 16 year old daughter, Kelle. Kelle had been holding a lot in and on Wednesday we learned just how much this accident has effected her; she is really having a difficult time accepting her mother's paralysis and has expressed to us that she doesn't know how to handle this. Needless to say, we are working on getting her the proper help to aid her in better coping with her mom's accident. I asked Kelle if she wanted to write an entry on the blog and she said yes; so look for an entry from her very soon.



Scilla told me that her nurse told her tonight that our family is going to have to start getting more involved in her care; be more hands on and do things such cathing and helping her transfer. Mimi has already started getting more involved as you can see in the video below, she wanted to help her Aunt Scilla wheel to therapy and decided to do a little dancing on the way:

Scilla always says Mimi makes her world go 'round and Mimi says Aunt Scilla is the bestest girl in the world. So here a couple of photo's that requested I take today (they would want to take pictures, the one day I don't have my camera and only my phone).

Trying to push Aunt Scilla

Above and below: Giving away mommy's kisses to Aunt Scilla!

Such a sweet baby girl...

   Scilla was so happy to go back to Roger C. Peace on today! She went back about 12:30 and was anxious to get in her wheelchair because she was tired of lying on her back for over a week! She is in great spirits and excited to return to therapy on Thursday.

       I have been wanting to mention this in my blog for a while and today is the excellent opportunity. Since about December I have been praying for Baby Emma. The daughter of one of my high school classmates. Emma was diagnosed with Spina Bifida while in utero. I had been praying for her healing since I learned about the diagnosis. Well, little Emma was born on March 16, the day after my sister had her accident and immediately had to go into surgery. Emma was born into an awesome family; she has so many people who cares for and continues to pray for her. I would love for everyone reading my blog to add Emma to your prayer list. Emma will be hitting the 4 week old mark this week and she has been through a lot, but she has an awesome mom and dad that are there with her ALL the time and I ask that you pray for their strength, because as first time parents they really have a lot to handle.
  
     Emma has so many people praying for her and her parents have such a strong faith and belief in God which is carrying them through this very rough time. At this point, I do not think they are sure of exactly what Emma will be able to do or not do because of her spina bifida; but I am still praying for Emma daily and asking God for healing. I find it ironic the closeness of Emma's birth to my sister's accident, seeing as they both have issues with their spines. I think that Emma is going to be ok and she will have the ability to do whatever her hearts desire and I know God is going to heal her, I feel it in my heart. In praying for Emma, I have said I felt like I knew her even before she was born, and her parents and I are  not close or anything of that nature, but God always keeps her on my mind. Every day as I go to the hospital and at night when I am praying, I think of Emma and I can't help but think that God has great things in store for that beautiful baby girl.

For those of you who would like to keep up with Emma, she is on my blog roll and she is a precious little angel, i tell you!

"walking in faith...

A hard pill to swallow...

    Priscilla had an alright day; there was some frustration; but we just kept trusting and believing and we know that God is going to bring her/us out alright. She had her tube taken out today; but she didn't get moved to Roger C Peace because of what her therapist wrote in her notes on Monday. Her therapist said that she was afraid to sit up by herself, which was not true. My sister stated and the therapist agreed that the bed in my sister's room at memorial has that egg shell foam on it, so it was hard for her steady herself without being on a solid or firm bed or surface. But, because the therapist said my sister was scared, the insurance company is giving us a hard time about approving her to go back to RCP, because it appears like she is regressing, if they go by the therapy notes and they don't want to pay if no progress is being made. I think the whole thing is stupid and insurance companies are full of it, but in any case, I think they will approve her tomorrow once they talk to her rehab doctor.

     Everyday we learn new things about Priscilla's accident. As she gets better, she is able to recall more things about the accident. Today, she had a visit from one of her old co-workers, Rick. As she was telling him about her accident, I learned that somehow during the accident while she was passed out  her body was slung over to the passenger side of the car and when she regained consciousness, she was sitting on the passenger side of the car with her back against the door and couldn't move her legs. This information was very important to me because now it explains her injuries. In one of my first posts, I stated that I didn't understand her injuries seeing as though all the damage was on the passenger side of the car; so now that I know she was on that side of the car as well, I better understand her injuries and I am so thankful that she was not thrown from the car. She also told him that after  that, she doesn't remember much, but she remembers arriving at the hospital and the doctors telling her she was paralyzed. She said "THAT'S A HARD PILL TO SWALLOW, BUT I KNOW GOD IS STILL GOOD."

     You could look at Rick's face and see the astonishment of what had happened. He almost couldn't even look at her, you could see the hurt in his heart for her. I see people come in for the first time and visit her and it is almost as if they hurt for her the way our family does; it shows how much people care. Rick ended his visit with a nice prayer, which was one the greatest gifts he could have given us; we know that the prayers of righteous availeth much and that if we just continue to have faith that God will work in his time. We know there are things we desire RIGHT NOW, but God may not intend for those desires to be fulfilled at this time.


      My faith and my sister's faith is what has sustained us through these very tough times. I have said before that I am ok if she never walks again; some people don't understand how I can say that and some people think I am just saying it because it is not me who is paralyzed. But I say it because when I think about the goodness and the greatness of God; I realized he blessed her with 39 years of being able to use her legs, yet there are people who have never had the opportunity to walk. I say it because when I look around and see what other people are going through, our storm, really isn't that big. I say it because even though she has some very rough and tough days; if God never does anything else for her, HE has done enough already. I say it because I look at the blessing of her still having life; of still having the use of her upper body; still being clothed in her  RIGHT mind and all that is ENOUGH! I say it because of where he has brought her SINCE the accident. Her speech is no longer slurred, her short term memory has improved drastically; if not been completely restored. She can pull herself up; She can lean forward in the bed holding onto the rails. She has learned to pull her legs towards her upper body to put on her pants or socks; She plays a very active roll in reminding her nurses of what she needs, when. She is learning to live with her disability; to embrace the changes in her life. She is learning patience. God will never give us more than we can handle, although sometimes we beg to differ. Sometimes God puts us through tests before he blesses us, to make sure that we are ready to receive our blessings. I have learned not to question God; not to ask why or how, but to ask who? and the answer is God.

    In closing, although I do not always practice what I preach; if I find myself asking God why? I start to think and say "well, why not me or why not my sister?" What makes us so special that we don't deserve to be tested? Trials come to make us strong, they may seem to stay an eternity, but they don't really last for very long. When it is all said and done, we must remember that we are ALL blessed and highly favored and that THERE IS A BLESSING COMING THROUGH FOR YOU,  FOR MY SISTER, FOR ME!

"WALKING IN FAITH..."

Coping...

    I didn't write on Sunday because I was just so tired and emotionally that drained that I needed a day to just rest and relax with the people I care about the most.

      After having a very rough day on Saturday; Sunday was a much better day for Scilla emotionally. she was very cheerful and smiling; she laughed and joked with us which was a big change from Saturday. She did not have her drainage tube removed on Sunday because again she was putting out too much fluid.

    Now to today, Monday! Scilla called me early and said she hates these days that when she is sad or doesn't feel happy. She has been talking with various family members and  has realized that her accident has affected everyone in a major way, especially her husband and kids. Sometimes when life changing events happen, we have a tendency to internalize everything, but it is better to talk to someone or have some type of outlet to remove our stress and vent. As a family, we are beginning to look into our options as far as counseling for some members of our family. As African Americans many people in our community frown upon counseling; but it is not a bad thing. I think that more African Americans should take advantage of the health options available to us to help us live a more healthy and fulfilling life.

   Scilla did not get moved back to Roger C. Peace today because she is still draining too much and we are hoping that by Tuesday her drainage will be back under control and she can return to RCP. I was informed today that Her rehab doctor visited and said that she is now a 2-person case (she used another word, but she basically meant that she would need 2 care givers instead of one), but we don't understand why because nothing has changed or gotten worse since she has been back at Memorial.

   Scilla did have a small therapy session today. It is amazing what we take for granted when we are healthy and all is well. In her session today she worked on balancing, leaning on her arm/elbow for support and then pushing up using her arm/elbow. She also worked on sitting upright, as she tried to sit upright and stretch as in lifting her head and raising her shoulders, she commented on how good that felt and I could only imagine that it must have because of her surgery, she is often sitting with what looks like a curve in her spine. She also practiced lifting her arms and Mimi got to help today by standing in front of her aunt Scilla with her hands open as targets for Scilla to hit.

    I have been thinking a lot lately about how blessed so many of us are and how often we take for granted so many things that seem so minute to us. As I watched Scilla today and witnessed her fear of trying to sit in  an upright position as she tried to balance herself; I tried to encourage her, but I kept thinking that sitting up, balanced in an upright position, with the ability to support yourself is something we all take for granted; but when she is able to accomplish that; it will be a major milestone for her.

    We also learned some things for her therapist, Sue on today. Scilla told her about her legs feeling like they were hanging off the side of the bed and tingling. Sue said that is normal and could be one of two things:

1.  Phantom sensation, basically she hasn't had her injury long enough for her brain to know that her that part of her body doesn't work. So in her mind, she is still trying to move her legs, but can't. The therapists also said that it should not be possible for her to move her legs because from what they know; her injury was complete, meaning that her spinal cord was completely severed. Had Scilla's injury been incomplete, her chance's of walking would have been greater.
2. Maybe there is some regeneration going on in her spine or maybe there was just a small nerve or portion in her spine that remained connected during her injury and that could be the cause of what she is feeling; again this is very unlikely seeing as though doctors are sure that her spinal cord was completely severed.

   This has turned into a pretty long blog tonight, so I think I will end it here by saying thank you to everyone who continues to pray for our family because we all know that God has the final say in any situation.

"Walking in Faith..."         

Emotional Roller Coaster of a Saturday

This is a small poem that I came up with as I typed. Saturday has been just what this poem states, an emotional roller coaster for me and definitely for Scilla. This poem hasn't been thought out and may not be great, but I hope you all enjoy reading it.

Emotional. Roller. Coaster.

So much pain 

with little to gain.

When the car is on track, all  is well

until up comes a curve that seems like hell. 

My car turns left, then turns right

I wander how I can continue this fight.

Emotional. Roller. Coaster.

My car turns upside down 

and what once was a smile is now a frown.

There is a small pause, enough to spark fear

then the car moves and through a tunnel disappear.

As the car travels the curves and around the loops

I feel like I keep having to jump through hoops.

Emotional. Roller. Coaster.

I see the straightaway, near the home stretch we go

because I know the rest of this ride is not going to be so.

Faith, sustains me and prayer gets me through

because only God knows what's in store for you!

Emotional. Roller. Coaster.   

 Saturday was very rough for Scilla. It was one of those days that we expect more of, but know will be few and in between. She called me and said "today is a depressing day" and when I asked her why, she really had no explanation. I reminded her that everyday is not going to be a great day, there are going to be days when she is mad, frustrated, and don't want to be bothered, but the good days will outweigh the bad and that she must remain faithful because God is still good!

     As far as her health is concerned, her drainage tube did not come out on Saturday, but may be removed on Sunday. I talked with her doctor and he said that her body was putting out too much drainage to remove the tube; removing the tube too early would just allow the fluid to build back up in her body. She is also still experiencing fevers and the doctor said they would continue to check her cultures to see if anything shows up and if they keep coming up negative for infection, the next move would be to remove her central line. The doctor said that he is not saying that is what is causing the fever, but when they can't find the cause for something, they start removing stuff. Her fever fluctuates greatly, so much so that she sent April (Greg's niece ) to Kmart to buy her one of the clip on desk fans! I told her I had one at home if she could wait until tomorrow, but she insisted on getting one and said she could clip it to her wheelchair when she goes to the beach; so as you can see, she is already making travel plans!

     Today, I have had a roller coaster of emotions. I attended funeral services for Patrick Jackson, the young man I mentioned earlier this week in the blog. Pat was a good friend of scilla's son, A.D and he was a very nice and respectable young man. This whole situation with Pat weighs heavy on my heart this young man's life was taken for no reason and as the result of a violent act. I ask for prayer for Pat's family, but I ask that you pray for my nephew, A.D also. I am praying that A.D does not let Pat's death go in vain. A.D is Scilla's first born and will always be her baby. She worries about him and lately her worry for him has been a source of stress for her. I have expressed to A.D that right now our family has a lot going on without having to worry for his safety. I love my sister and I don't want to see her hurt; so I am asking prayer for A.D that he realizes it is time out for playing games and running the streets; it is time to man up baby boy. Some people may think it is not appropriate to write about this here, but the bottom line is that as mother, your well being is linked to that of your children; when your children hurt, you hurt. So for Scilla's well-being I feel it important to ask for prayer for her son.

"Walking in Faith..."

Peace...

    Scilla is doing very well. Her daily x-ray didn't show any problems and her doctors are pleased with how the surgery went and her recovery. Today she did have a very small therapy session; they only did the range of motion exercises on her to ensure that she doesn't regress too far from what she has been doing at Roger C. Peace.

      She still has the tube in side and it should be removed tomorrow and hopefully she will return to RCP on Monday or Tuesday. The doctors are concerned that she has been feverish and are trying to find out if she has some type of infection and also her blood sugar levels have been dropping WAY too low; below 70! So they are trying to figuire out those two things, but otherwise she is doing great.

    She was in a good mood today and even wanted Mimi to get on the bed with her so they could talk!

Mimi on the bed with Aunt Scilla trying to tell her to put up a peace sign. Mommy was afraid and wanted Mimi down because she was lying on Aunt Scilla's drainage tube!

Again on the bed. Aunt Scilla and Mimi love each other so much!

Today has been good, not too much to stress over...

   I didn't get much sleep last night, Scilla called me about 5 a.m. and about every 30 minutes after that. If I didn't answer my cell phone, she would call my home phone. Mimi and I spent our morning running errands for Scilla and then I went to visit her in the hospital ICU. 
Scilla  had a great day today! She looks and feels much better than before she went into surgery on Wednesday on afternoon. We know that the fluid was contributing to her breathing problems, but I also noticed that the swelling in her back has gone down; her back does not look as "puffy".
 
  Today, she and I watched movies and talked and she had me rub her back for about an hour. Her mood was really great!

    Scilla still has faith that she will walk and joked with the nurse about getting out of the bed and walking. Her nurse didn't know what to say at first, you could see in his face that he was contemplating what to say, so he made a joke and then said only the good Lord knows.  While I am talking about her nurse, I want to give a shout out to Marty, her nurse in the Cardiovascular ICU of the heart institute. Marty was awesome and I really enjoyed him and Scilla loved him too; with all the crappy nurses we have had, it was refreshing to actually get a GREAT nurse.

    Around 7 p.m. this evening she was moved out of ICU into a room where she will remain for about a week.

    I would like to end todays very short post with a verses given to me to read by Rev. Gary McDaniel. The verses come from Acts 9:32-35(NLT version) and reads as follows :

32Meanwhile, Peter traveled from place to place, and he came down to visit the believers in the town of Lydda. 33There he met a man named Aeneas, who had been paralyzed and bedridden for eight years. 34Peter said to him, “Aeneas, Jesus Christ heals you! Get up, and roll up your sleeping mat!” And he was healed instantly. 35Then the whole population of Lydda and Sharon saw Aeneas walking around, and they turned to the Lord.

I wanted to include a picture tonight and did a search for faith and this is one of the results, so I just had to include it, seeing as though "walking in faith" is the signature for this blog!

"Walking in Faith..."